Just today

Yesterday I went for the interview. Despite having doubts about working in plantation area, I went anyway. I mean, what have I got to lose anyway, eh?

And after I got back, we talked. We talked about how things went for me, and how things were for you. I saw the look, but I dared not to ask. Nevertheless, I just need to know.

All the foreseeable travelling, having to work at sites, missing for weeks or so dealing with clients and customers, I know those hurt you. Counting the days, I realized that we are running out of time.

Thank you for buying me things. Thank you for putting up with me. I know no matter how angry I've been at you, I'd always want you to be with me.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

a quickie

My dictionary is now updated. Tired has a new meaning.

It's one after another. Done one assignment, here comes a bundle more. I guess I am physically fine with all that, been through a lot worse, but I just feel mentally tired. So yeah, when you are mentally tired, even the strength of a Hulk won't be enough to finish even the simplest task.

Friends are now replaced with the occasional but agonizing headaches that sometimes force me to just let it all go and sleep instead. I gave myself 10 minutes after finishing the Genome Mining assignment to settle some miscellaneous tasks, those not involving studies. After that, it is all journals and conference papers again.

I find it hard to adjust to people lately. By this I don't mean random people, but a few whom I can safely claim to know me quite well, and vice versa. I think it is not them, but me. Been exuding the wrong vibes, perhaps?I don't know.

I will get this done, and leave.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

these two cents of mine

After all that Bersih 3.0 stuff, I've decided to come up with this. Sape datang sini baca pastu bagi komen cam sampah, memang la cari gado. Read this with an open mind.

I have to admit, I'm not in a good position to say anything I want about this Bersih thing. I didn't attend the demo, and yes, I only read stuff I see on the Internet, whatever videos or articles posted on Facebook. From both sides.

Sometimes we are too caught up with our own sentiment, so much that it blinds us and gets us into generalizations. I hate the fact that some people choose to uphold their stand while bashing others. That's not the way to do things.

Bila aku cakap aku tak sokong Bersih 3.0, takde maksud aku against orang yang nak demo tu. Go ahead demo la, pergi la berhimpun menjerit perang baju kuning whatsoever. That is your right, and I respect it. But why don't you respect my right of not agreeing to what you are doing? My stand is my stand, and despite whatever arguments I put out, you will always win because of your obsession. So be it. Your right. I respect it.

You tell people not to believe the mainstream media. I agree to that, but one thing you forget dear friend is that you yourself are TOO obsessed with the alternative media. Now, how about me reverting back the statement to you, don't believe everything you see or hear on the alternative media. Will you accept it?

That is the problem I am seeing now. Things now are easy, a news is just one share away from the masses, and  it's just a matter of CTRL-C and CTRL-V. You can easily spread things now. Seeing things on my Facebook news feed makes me kind of pening sometimes. A video after a video. An article after the other. Semua berbalas2, semua cakap pandai, jangan dengar sebelah pihak je bla2. Now tell me, have you really considered thinking twice before saying that? HAVE YOU? Cakap pandai betul. Haihh. Asal ada orang tak sama pendapat je, bash macam dia sorang je la yang betul.

One more thing that gets on my nerve is how you are too obsessed with your political views that you forget, hukum kat dunia ni aturan Allah. Kalau sampai hal jodoh pun ko associate dengan politik, susah bro. Skali Allah dah tetapkan memang tu la jodoh ko, muka tu elok la sagat je kat jalan raya sampai hilang hidung apa semua. Malu kan? Memang la it's a matter of preferences, tapi kena ingat, menda tu bukan kawalan kita. Tak kisah la sape jodoh kita, si suami boleh bentuk isterinya jadi orang baik, dan si isteri boleh berubah jadi baik. Takde isu rasanya pasal politik. Benda betul, insyaAllah Allah bukak hati untuk diterima.

Susah bila orang obses sangat ni. Not that I have problems with people like this, again, it's your right, tapi entah, kadang-kadang I simply think it's annoying. Tu je. It worries me that sentiments divide people. It worries me how people can be so aggressive against their own kind just because of a difference, in which for me is rectifiable via means of peaceful, informative debate and arguments.

I guess that's about it. I'm too late for all these, anyways. PSM Ann. PSM.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Potatoeeeee

God knows how happy I was when you handed me the package with a Despicable Me Minion in it. God knows.

I love you. Thank you.

Monday, April 30, 2012

sooner

Yesterday tiba2 rasa macam nak balik rumah. After buying lunch, I suddenly had this thought of straight-away going to Sri Putri and get myself a bus tix to Klang and just go home. I went to my room with a heavy heart, like something is not right somewhere.

But then, I didn't go home pun. I stayed in my room doing some stuff and nursing these headaches I've been having lately.

Rindu la kat mama. Haih. I guess some part of me still needs a mother after all.

Too many things happened. I don't know which to throw and which to juggle. Guess I should have just let everything fall and pick up the pieces satu2 kot. And start back all over.

Sometimes I feel happy over the fact that I'm graduating soon, but half of me is very sad indeed. I'm happy for the fact that I'll finally get to work, support the family, and leave behind whoever, whatever it is that the lives I've been pestering with. But yeah, that is the happy part. I'm still sad over the fact that despite wanting to leave, I'd still need time to get over certain people whom has made an entrance into my life and made it even more wonderful.

To you, thank you. I wish I'd met you sooner.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

rant sikit

I have to say I am quite frustrated with myself. Not sure of what has gotten into me, but yeah.

My FYP is currently on track. Not to say that I am wayyyyy ahead of the schedule but at least I am not behind it either. Been seeing progress but have yet to feel satisfied. Not to say that this mobile thing I've been doing is easy either (those who know, knows), but I'm in need of something a little more satisfying, something a little more 'rewarding', I suppose? I don't know. A full-blown software solution, perhaps? I don't know. I love programming. I love doing all this software engineering stuff (despite the headaches). But then, something is missing somewhere.

Reading algorithms makes me sick. I am quite sure I am going to have quite a hard time trying to understand all this. K-means, SVMs whatever. What remote language is this?

So anyways.

Few days back, a friend told me I rebel too much. When asked to define the word 'rebel', here is the definite answer:

'I don't know. Simply because you think you know what you are doing, so you think everyone else needs to follow you as well. Semua benda ko tengok salah, semua benda ko tengok tak betul'

Oh, mind you. If I need everyone to follow me, I'd be a dictator (which is pretty much not me). And the betul salah part, well, I'll leave that for you to judge.

I've said this many times and I'll say it again, whatever decision that people around me decide to make is theirs and theirs alone. A lot of times I've explained to people that you are not to believe what I said, but I just request that you'd at least THINK and ANALYSE.

I am not a saint, I sometimes feel scared, I sometimes feel afraid of the things I say or do, and I sometimes fear that what I think will put me into trouble. Who doesn't? But that doesn't stop me from having my own opinions.

*ape aku bebel malam2 ni adoi

Saturday, March 17, 2012

why must things be so complicated? I love you too much already :(

Sunday, March 11, 2012